


Hold On

by Lyoung_50



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Post-Fight, drabble?, i wrote this on my phone to deal with my feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-06
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:21:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25101583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyoung_50/pseuds/Lyoung_50
Summary: Walking along the New York streets with his hands tucked into his pockets as the snow blanketed the city, the weight of the flakes on his lashes felt like it was threatening to drag his eyes closed until he couldn’t open them again.There was no way to differentiate between the meeting snow sliding down his cheeks and the tears following the same path.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 1
Kudos: 74





	Hold On

**Author's Note:**

> So.....hi.
> 
> I will be updating OSASD tomorrow, hopefully, but I apparently decided that I needed to write this on my phone at 11pm???? Because that’s who I am as a person, apparently. 
> 
> I didn’t edit this nor did I reread it, so please point out any issues with it for me.
> 
> Miss you all!

The weight of snowflakes on his eyelashes had always been a very particular sensation that Alec hadn’t put much thought into before that night. 

Walking along the New York streets with his hands tucked into his pockets as the snow blanketed the city, the weight of the flakes on his lashes felt like it was threatening to drag his eyes closed until he couldn’t open them again. 

There was no way to differentiate between the melting snow sliding down his cheeks and the tears following the same path.

He’d walked the streets for hours with no real destination in mind, but when he finally pulled his gaze off his own feet, he found himself standing in front of a garish mundane Christmas tree in Central Park.

The sight of the twinkling lights illuminating clusters of snow and small, shining ornaments glittering under the dim street lamps made something twist in his chest. This wasn’t the tree he wanted to be in front of in the week leading up to Christmas. This wasn’t home.

There was a tree across a vast expanse of city with perfectly blended gold and blue decorations that always smelled faintly of cinnamon, pine, and a hint of sugar cookies with elegantly wrapped gifts tucked under its boughs that he’d earned many paper cuts from while wrapping them. More importantly, he should be sitting on the couch with Magnus curled into his side, sipping hot chocolate that was, probably, too chocolatey for his own good and running his fingers through gold tipped locks of hair.

Instead, he found himself dropping to his knees in front of the Christmas tree in Central Park, snow seeping through his jeans like sinister fingers that carried the cold into his bones without hesitation. He could barely feel the chill.

_ “Get out of my house, Alec.” _

The words echoed through his head like a lingering gun shot.

He knew he’d pushed too far. Stretched the limits of a promise too far this time. Magnus wouldn’t be so forgiving.

He’d found a pile of his things from the loft on his bed at the Institute as soon as he’d walked in, and he’d sworn that every ounce of air in his body had disappeared.

He’d clung to his sweater that still smelled of sandalwood, and sobbed until his throat had been raw, and he’d exhausted himself to the point of passing out.

He hadn’t dreamt that night or any night since. He really missed dreaming.

“Alexander,” He hadn’t expected the voice from behind him at almost two in the morning, he would use that as an explanation for how badly he jumped when whirling to his feet until he was blue in the face. “Do you have any idea how cold it is? You’re not even wearing a coat.”

“It’s not that bad out.” His voice wasn’t nearly as sure as he’d hoped. “What are you doing here, Magnus?”

“Your sister told me that you’d gone AWOL. I had a feeling that this was where you’d end up.” He lifted a ringed finger to point at the large tree. “We hadn’t gotten a chance to come see this yet this year. A tradition is a tradition, after all.”

“I didn’t even know I was going to come here, how could you—.”

“I know you, Alexander. Better than you know yourself sometimes. I believe I’ve proven that recently, haven’t I?” The quirk of Magnus’ eyebrow was like a knife to the gut. Alec just nodded. “Come home, Alexander. We need to get your warm. Then....We can talk. I believe that’s overdue.”

“But...” Alec swallowed around the lump in his throat. “You told me to get out of your house.”

“I was angry. I’m still angry. That does not negate the fact that I love you. I can be furious with you and still swear to love you all of my life.” Alec was staring, dumbfounded, when Magnus stepped forward and threaded his fingers through his. “Come home with me, Alexander. We need to get past this so I can get back to showing you how much I still need you.”

“Okay,” His nod was probably too frantic and absolutely too desperate, but it didn’t matter. He needed Magnus, too, and he would scream “please don’t leave me” from the rooftops if he had to. This was the love of his life, after all. “I’m sorry, Magnus. I broke my promise, and I’m sorry.”

Magnus paused, his hand lifted to form a portal back to the loft, and sighed softly. His hand fell to his side when he turned back to look at Alec.

“I know, Alexander, I know.” The words that followed didn’t hold any of the razor’s edge that they had when they’d been being screamed at him with sparks of blue magic flaring around the room days earlier. “You’ve got to work a little harder when the promise is no more suicidal ideas to try to play the hero so you don’t get to come home to me. We almost lost you this time. I watched the life leave your eyes. Again. I can’t keep doing that, Alec. If you do it again...I’m gone. I can’t keep watching you run around like you’ve got a death wish. Don’t you have something worth fighting for yet? Aren’t I enough?”

“Of course you are. You’re worth everything to me, Magnus. ” Alec’s voice was barely above a whisper when he continued after a brief, shaky silence. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Magnus gave him a smile that was small, and tinged with a bit of tiredness, and squeezed Alec’s fingers gently in his own.

“Good. I can’t imagine a world with you gone. I’d be a bit lost.”

Magnus’ hand curled over his cheek, and ran his thumb over Alec’s eyes in turn, wiping the snow that had gathered on his lashes. His eyes fluttered shut under the ministration and let himself be enveloped by the familiar scent of sandalwood and coffee.

When he opened his eyes, they no longer felt like he was being dragged under.

“Let’s go home, Alexander.” He paused, seeming to consider his words carefully. “Let me take you home.”

Alec didn’t care that the response was the most desperate he’d ever sounded.

”Please. Take me home.”

The lights of Central Park faded quickly when they stepped through the shimmering portal.

Alec was immediately hit by the scent of cinnamon, pine, and sugar cookie.

Home.


End file.
